Looks can be deceiving

Blatantly commenting about a stranger's appearance tends to be a cultural no-no. Sure, there are deviants who let out a whistle when an attractive woman (or man) walks by or snicker at someone who may be carrying some extra pounds, but in general people tend not to walk up to people they don't know and list the physical attributes of the bystander...unless that bystander is a baby.

Usually, the comments are endearing ones like "what beautiful eyes she has," or "what a cute little fella.” And sometimes the comments are a bit ambiguous. When Xylie was a baby, many strangers would make the comment "Boy, she’s a feisty one isn't she, but very pretty!"

And the comments aren't limited to the babies. For some reason having a baby in her arms makes a woman fodder for unsolicited annotation. I know when I'm tired, so when a well-meaning stranger tells me so it isn't exactly a pick-me-up. But having someone tell me in a pitiful tone that I look tired when to the contrary I'm feeling spry... that's a sure-fire bring-me-downer.

Zayden Penn gets his fair share of comments and usually they involve his weight. Born almost 4 weeks early, Zayden was a little dude fresh out of the oven. However, during the past several months, the boy has morphed from scrawny to rolley-polley. Instead of telling me that my baby looks malnourished, I now hear "What a sturdy boy," "He likes to eat doesn't he?” "Why hi-there big guy.” I have to agree. That's why I was a little shocked during Zayden's 9-month-old appointment this morning and so was the nurse.

When the nurse entered the exam room, she commented about what a big boy Zayden was and that he looked like he really enjoyed solid foods. She weighed him and the scale read 18 lbs 4 oz. Then she measured him and he is 27 and 3/4 inches long, an inch longer than he was at his 6-month appointment. The nurse looked at me and said, "he's short.” When she looked at the chart, we discovered that my Z-man is in the 25th percentiles for height and weight and the 50th percentile for the height and weight combo (don't ask me how that works). Then she said, "aww, he's just a little guy."

Honestly, I found the experience amusing. Since Zayden is growing right on target and is very healthy, I have no worries that he may be considered "little" measured next to his infant cohorts. I learned with Xylie that milestones and weight don't matter too much in the life of a baby unless an extreme boundary is crossed (weighing too much or too little, not being about to walk until age 2, etc.) and that by the time kids are 5 years-old, they are pretty much all on the same page or at least in the same coloring book.

What amuses me is the reminder of how looks can be deceiving. What appears obvious may not at all fit the original hypothesis. While I tend to reserve judgment of others, I'm not exempt from jumping to the wrong conclusion about people from time to time. My experience today with Zayden has made me examine areas in my life in which I may need to show more compassion or at the minimum not form an opinion until I have more information. If I overhear a mother being sarcastic with her child, instead of thinking “she’s not very loving,” I’m going to try to remember to pray for that mother, because truth be told, oftentimes I am that mother and heaven knows I need all the prayer I can get.

I'm also going to try this with the reverse situation. The next time I see a mother who appears to have it all together, I'm not going to get down on myself and try to become just like that particular mother. Instead, I am going to pray for her too. I'll pray that the peace I see in her at that moment will continue and that I can learn from her, yet be an encouragement to her when she has a less than stellar moment because trust me, we all have them.