In Defense of Unusual Baby Names

In a Facebook note, a friend recently posted the names that she and her husband had chosen for their baby after he or she is born. The names they chose were a little unusual, though not unheard of. I was shocked, however, at some of the responses she received to the posting. Some of her Facebook friends were telling her that these were horrible names and she should change them. I was surprised, first, that they were so rude in such a public place. (Since comments on your posted items can be read by any of your friends, Facebook is indeed a public place.) Second, I was surprised that there was no attempt to deliver their messages with grace or sensitivity.

Unfortunately, I fear that the reaction received by my Facebook friend is all too common. Even before Mrs. N became pregnant, we learned that if you share baby name ideas, some people will have strong opinions and insist on sharing them with you. If, however, the baby has been born, and named, they will keep their opinions to themselves. I much prefer the latter. After floating a few baby name ideas, only to have them harshly shot down, we decided it best to keep our baby name ideas to ourselves, until after the birth. We did this for both of our children (who do have unusual names), and I’m glad we did. Though we had to put up with some incessant nagging by some who felt entitled to know before the birth, at least we didn’t have to put up with the rude opinions that my Facebook friend endured.

Additionally, I don’t understand why some just don’t like unusual names. A common critique you hear of unusual names is, “they’ll get teased at school.” If kids want to tease other kids at school, having a common name won’t stop them. Even some common names can be a convenient source of tease material anyway. John, for instance, also means toilet. And I’m sure you’ve heard of a “lazy Susan”.

Speaking as someone who knows what it’s like to live with an unusual name, there are some tremendous benefits. First of all, you don’t have to worry about being confused with someone else. If you do a Google search of “Napp Nazworth,” you’ll find me, no one else, just me. I am currently under contract to publish a book. There are no other authors with my name, so there is no chance of getting my writing confused with someone else’s. Second, people remember my name more readily. It’s so unusual, how could you forget it? And third, when I hear my name called, I know it’s for me. If you shout out “Jill” in a crowded area, you could have five different people look your way.

Naming one’s child is one of the joys of being a parent. It is also a very personal process. We should respect the choices that others make at the end of this process. If you are intent on picking a baby’s name, you should have your own.

Poor, Poor First Born

This is oldish news, but as a first born, I feel obligated to post. What do you Think. I posted a blurb of the story found on MSNBC.com.

The plight of the older sibling

First-born kids really do have it tougher, new research finds

By Melissa Dahl

Health writer

MSNBC

updated 9:44 a.m. ET, Mon., May. 5, 2008

Melissa Dahl Health writer • E-mail

There are two Jones brothers, Joshua and Justin. But when something breaks — like the time a soccer ball crashed through a garage window — it’s usually Joshua who gets the lecture: You’re the oldest, his parents remind him. You need to set an example. Your younger brother is watching.

Now, a new study has confirmed what first-borns like Joshua have always suspected: The oldest kid in the family really does bear the brunt of parental strictness, while the younger brothers and sisters generally coast on through.

“The folklore is that parents punish the older child more than the younger ones,” says Lingxin Hao, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University and an author of the study, published in the latest issue of the Economic Journal. “But it isn’t just folklore — this is a national pattern.” .....(then a few paragraphs down)

Parenting a perfectionist
“We did become stricter with Joshua after Justin was born,” says Ken Jones, father to the Jones boys — Joshua is 13, and Justin is 11. “I think I was a bit rougher on Joshua. He had to do things more perfectly.”

As the Jones family, who lives in Corona, Calif., has found, and the new research confirms, being a little tougher on the oldest kid in the family often turns out a kid like Joshua — the stereotypical rule-abiding, responsible first-born.

The study showed that older siblings were much less likely to drop out of school or, in the case of girls, get pregnant, than the youngest in the family, perhaps because they’ve had a lifetime of being held to higher standards.

That stricter parenting style often shapes the first-born kid into a play-by-the rules perfectionist, so parents tend to rely more on their oldest child than the younger kids, says Kevin Leman, a Tucson, Ariz., psychologist and author of “The Birth Order Book.”

“When a job needs to get done, it’s the habit of the parent to call on the first-born, because they’re the most reliable and conscientious,” Leman says. But it's no accident that the oldest has become a responsible wonder child; it's the parenting strategy that made them that way.

To read the entire story, click HERE.