In a Facebook note, a friend recently posted the names that she and her husband had chosen for their baby after he or she is born. The names they chose were a little unusual, though not unheard of. I was shocked, however, at some of the responses she received to the posting. Some of her Facebook friends were telling her that these were horrible names and she should change them. I was surprised, first, that they were so rude in such a public place. (Since comments on your posted items can be read by any of your friends, Facebook is indeed a public place.) Second, I was surprised that there was no attempt to deliver their messages with grace or sensitivity.
Unfortunately, I fear that the reaction received by my Facebook friend is all too common. Even before Mrs. N became pregnant, we learned that if you share baby name ideas, some people will have strong opinions and insist on sharing them with you. If, however, the baby has been born, and named, they will keep their opinions to themselves. I much prefer the latter. After floating a few baby name ideas, only to have them harshly shot down, we decided it best to keep our baby name ideas to ourselves, until after the birth. We did this for both of our children (who do have unusual names), and I’m glad we did. Though we had to put up with some incessant nagging by some who felt entitled to know before the birth, at least we didn’t have to put up with the rude opinions that my Facebook friend endured.
Additionally, I don’t understand why some just don’t like unusual names. A common critique you hear of unusual names is, “they’ll get teased at school.” If kids want to tease other kids at school, having a common name won’t stop them. Even some common names can be a convenient source of tease material anyway. John, for instance, also means toilet. And I’m sure you’ve heard of a “lazy Susan”.
Speaking as someone who knows what it’s like to live with an unusual name, there are some tremendous benefits. First of all, you don’t have to worry about being confused with someone else. If you do a Google search of “Napp Nazworth,” you’ll find me, no one else, just me. I am currently under contract to publish a book. There are no other authors with my name, so there is no chance of getting my writing confused with someone else’s. Second, people remember my name more readily. It’s so unusual, how could you forget it? And third, when I hear my name called, I know it’s for me. If you shout out “Jill” in a crowded area, you could have five different people look your way.
Naming one’s child is one of the joys of being a parent. It is also a very personal process. We should respect the choices that others make at the end of this process. If you are intent on picking a baby’s name, you should have your own.
5 comments:
We didn't tell anybody the name for that reason. Eventually I told close family (parents and siblings) after months of telling them that we weren't telling b/c we didn't want to hear anything "bad" about our choice - our mind was made up.
Then we decided to tell somebody else (still family) since this person seemed particularly affected by the pregnancy (in a good way... so we wanted her to feel even more included). The first thing she said was something bad :(
I will definitely stick with the not telling anybody.
I completely agree - not just about the names - but how RUDE I have seen folks be online. Maybe b/c hiding behind a computer screen helps embolden them - unreal though.
I do agree that people can be rude about people's choices on baby names. There is no excuse for that. It's no one's business but the parents.
I just wanted to talk about the flip side to NOT liking an unusual name like mine.
I hated my name growing up. I had to pronounce and spell it over and over again. Still do today. Thanks to a supermodel and disney princess it's much easier.
I remember watching romper room on tv and being devastated every day because I would wait for the host to "see" me in her magic mirror. She would say " I see Michael and Jessica..." you get it, never did she "see" Giselle.
So my experience was very different then yours. I would and still would love to have a classic name.
Thanks for commenting Giselle - I wonder if my kids will grow up wishing they had more common names. Although in this day and age there seem to be lots of unusual ones. But One reason i love uncommon names is because I grew up attending a small school and there were 3 other Angela's in my grade alone. I always wished I had a different name. Isn't that so funny that we want what we don't have and then with good intentions give our children what we wanted. :-)
I agree with how rude people can be, not only with their opinions on a child's name, but also how free some feel to tell you how to raise your child. Unsolicited advice usually doesn't go over too well. I also agree with the point that kids will find reasons to tease period. If it's not a first name it's a last name, one you can't do anything about as a child. Case in point? My maiden name was Mulder. You can find all sorts of things to tease with it, let alone the fact that teachers couldn't pronounce it! Oh "X Files" where were you when I was in Middle school? Agent Mulder, you really would have upped the cool factor for me. :)
Take care,
Julie
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