Climbing Out of a Pit

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on the rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:1-2

As I am reading Beth Moore's book "Get Out of That Pit!" I've been clinging to that pivotal verse. It fills my heart with such hope and as Moore writes, "God is in the hope business."

You see, I'm in a pit right now. I've briefly made mention in a previous post that I battle with a postpartum mood disorder (PPD). What I haven't shared were some of my darkest moments. Not the stuff people log on to read about. Stories about my kids are much cuter. And although those stories were all true and there is much blessing in my life; due to the illness, and PPD is a real illness, there also has been some gut-wrenching pain.

How often do you hear someone cry out the following in frustration "I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!"? Ever know someone who actually did? If not, you do now. I won't go into all the details, there is no point. But I did have a breakdown and one my doctor refers to as "at the least a psychiatric urgency, at most a psychiatric emergency." I was given two choices, one being to spend some time in a hospital and the other having family take care of me. So right now, the kids and I are in Pennsylvania. My mom, sisters, dad, aunts and grandma are all doing a fantastic job taking care of the kids and giving me the love, support and rest I need.

I'm blogging about this for three reasons.

#1 - I do not want shame to overtake me. There is no shame in mental illness just as there is no shame in cancer. If I hide in secrecy I feel that I would be hiding out of shame and I want to break it's hold on me. What I have is a very treatable illness. And because I am a child of God the outlook for me is even brighter. I am seeking all venues of help available to me because I want so much to get better for my beautiful children and wonderful husband.

#2 - I want to bring more light to the subject of Postpartum Mood Disorders. I didn't write depression, because to me depression is not broad enough to describe such a multifaceted illness. It is basically a chemical imbalance that occurs to some women during or after pregnancy. There is a link on this page to two PPD sites. One is the Ruth Rhoden Craven Foundation. If you or anyone you know is dealing with PPD or you think just may be experiencing it, please, please click on that link and get in contact with Helena Bradford. No matter what state you live in, she will lovingly assist you in getting the help you need. I can only imagine what condition I'd be in now without Helena. Remember it is not your fault. I need to remind myself of that daily.

#3 - I'm asking for prayer. Prayer for me physically and emotionally. Prayer for Napp. Prayer for the kids. Prayer for my family in PA who is taking care of us now so that we will not be a burden on them. And also prayer for when we return home. I'll have to "ease back into life" and before I am allowed to return home, Napp and I need to have a plan in place to help reduce some stress factors for me. Right now we don't know what that will entail, help with the kids, housework, more structure??? We're really not sure so please pray for wisdom and for all to fall into place. Pray that I will not let pride hinder my recovery.

Whoa. So there it is, my secret on a platter. I hope it was not information overload. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your love and support. And while I may be in a pit, I am not pitiful. With the help of my heavenly Father, I am getting out for good.... "He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:3