Where do I start?

I've been wanting to write a follow up post since my previous one, but I'm not sure how to start. Last night I spent about an hour writing one that was full of thank yous and somehow it got accidentally deleted. Probably for the best. NOT that I do not owe many people lots of thanks, but long posts have less likelihood of being read.

I will write that I am continuing to recover. It is a process and a long one. But one with light and hope. Earlier this morning, my friend Jaime, who has just been amazing beyond words encouraged me to thank God for this current trial. I smiled during our phone conversation and said something along the lines of "Oh Jaime, what a neat idea and good point. I should do that." Well, in the back of my mind I was thinking "Wow, she's amazing, but I am not thankful for this low. I will thank God for it later when I see it worked out for good like He promises, but before I see His handiwork? Noway, No how!

Funny what a few hours can do. My sweet new friend Karie Calhoun came for a visit with her two cherubs and we really had a lovely time. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps it was the air, the refreshing visit, the Holy Spirit's prodding or the fact that Jaime's point finally sunk into the cement lining that separates my scalp from my brain....but I thanked God for this trial. I thanked Him because I KNOW HIM. I don't need to see His future handiwork, all I need to do is trust that He is God. I've seen His past handiwork through previous other trials in my life and man was the payoff good! He is Bigger than me and HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES. Which means He will be faithful to complete a good work that He has started. And while I look like an honest to goodness wreck, so did the Sistine Chapel before a masterful painter took his brush to it. And that was a painstaking process. So I can truly thank God for my current affliction. I don't believe he caused it. But I do believe He allowed it to happen for the greater good. And I do KNOW that He will lead me out of it. And I am praying that He'll do the leading sooner than later. But I won't rush Him. I will however firmly grip the hem of His garment.

Again, I am so not completely healed, but I know I am closer. I just want to share some good news so far and will follow up with more later and some pictures!

• I believe with all my heart that my meltdown has deepened my relationship with my mother. Anytime a relationship is deepened, it is a blessing!
• It sounds wacky but it paved the way for me to create some true friendships here in Summerville. Can you believe there are about 15 women who honest-to-goodness want to be my friend? Not just help me, not just do an act of good service, but want to know me? They want to be my friend. That blows my mind. Normally it wouldn't, but c'mon think about it like this (But first know I never did said any of this stuff just felt it and then publicly let loose in my blog) "Hi, my name is Angela, we just moved here and I am a bit off-kilter right now. I'm suffering from a severe postpartum mood disorder, I cry a lot, am constantly agitated, have panic attacks at the grocery store and obsess about stupid things. I could really use some friends right now, would you like to be mine? And by the way, can you recommend a good psychiatrist and counselor? Thanks.
• I'm astounded by how much I am truly worth--to this world and more importantly to my Creator. I wrote that post about a month ago about self worth and believed it, but this continuing experience brings it home more. So many people have come through for me and my family in more ways than I can name. My mom (Nina) and sister JeanAnn drove half way to SC to pick me and the kids up and my dad (Pappy Steve) along with JeanAnn made the half trek to take us home. They along with my sister Maranda,her husband Shane, and my entire extended family in Millersburg were sensational beyond words. My mom even bought Zayden and Xylie complete winter wardrobes that could be kept there so we didn't need to pack and she was successful in getting Xylie to wear pants. I'll have to write more in other posts. My Mother-In-Law, Suzan and her husband Jeff drove up from GA while I was gone and helped organize our home, brought Xylie a complete wardrobe and organized it. The kids' room and closet looks fabulous now. Not only that, Suzan cleaned and made meals for me. And she and Jeff bought and installed beautiful window treatments and a new futon cover, just so I could come back to a surprise. It was more than I ever expected....from both sets of families and I am so very humbled. Again, I'll have to include more stories later. And new friends came out of the woodwork. Lauren Goodling and her husband Christian helped take care of Xylie many days and Xylie adores their kids Lydia and Caden. I had never met Lauren before, she just helped because she was my mom's neighbor. And members of my new MOPS groups sent me tons of cards and e-mails and offers of support and help. Jaime and Karen Gilchrist came over to help Suzan organize. Karie and Kathy Kackley sent me a care package, and there are so many others who are helping and praying and have helped that I cannot even begin to mention for fear that I will leave someone out. And I cannot mention new friends without my sisters in Christ from Corpus. My friend Elly Helton called faithfully. My dear friends Molly, Julie, Melinda and Suzanne sent me 2 amazing care packages that included books, a CD prayer cards and more. Plus they called often and prayed for me daily and I know they are still praying.
• Something else I can thank God about regarding this trial is the precious time I got to spend with my PapPap. Tears invade my eyes as I recall the look on his face when he first saw me. It was also wonderful to see him interact with Zayden and Xylie.
• Another blessing was seeing how Xylie blessed so many lives in the nursing homes where PapPap resides. She sang and danced for all who requested her talents. She treated everyone with love and respect and I am so proud of her.

Whoooo---that was long and now no one will read this...I hope many of you can at least skim through it. Thank you for your continued prayers I am told there will be some really good days, some just fine days and some really low days. So please be patient with me.

I will do my best to keep up with my e-mail I am very behind right now, but please know that if you wrote me a personal message it made my heart glad and I am so thankful.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and will post some more pictures soon and some lighter writings.